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- Raising children in the age of entitlement
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Raising children in the age of entitlement
In an age of instant gratification, which has seen the rise of the so-called “Me Generation,” it’s not surprising to see a corresponding rise in negative emotions or emotional pollutants such as anger, resentment, and superiority. Raising children in the age of entitlement can be challenging for parents, teachers, and others who work with children, but there are techniques that can help you provide effective guidance for these children.
The top emotional pollutants
Emotional pollutants or negative emotions can be present in everyone, but children can be prone to act by imitating what they observe in others if they don’t have sufficient guidance. Some of the most common emotional pollutants for children growing up in the age of entitlement include the following:
- Entitlement – Entitlement can overlap and work in conjunction with other emotional pollutants. Those who suffer from entitlement believe they deserve special treatment, extra consideration, and favouritism in life. They place their needs before others and, when their sense of entitlement isn’t satisfied, they can be deeply disappointed, offended, and angry.
- Resentment – Resentment is usually caused by a feeling of being unfairly treated. Those with entitlement often feel like they deserve special praise, along with respect, affection, attention, appreciation and help. When they don’t receive this, they often feel resentful to the people they perceive as getting the attention they deserve.
- Anger – Anger is an explosive emotion based on aggression. Anger often manifests itself with defensiveness, and it can occur in entitled children or adults who feel unfairly treated.
- Superiority – Superiority is the feeling that one is better than others. For some emotional polluters, superiority is based on a hierarchical context. The entitled person with feelings of superiority often needs to feel better than someone else in order to feel okay about themselves. Others have predatory self-esteem and a more aggressive form of superiority that is based on making other people feel bad about themselves.
Emotional pollutants can be transmitted by body language, choice of words, tone of voice, facial expression, and other types of behaviour.
Angry boys
Anger arises in teenage boys and girls, but it has been observed that teenage boys are more prone to anger at this age. Girls tend to be able to process their emotions more effectively, whether this is by talking through their feelings or some other form of self-therapy.
Boys, whether due to hormonal differences or other physiological differences, seem to experience anger more often. This can stifle fear in situations when fear can help them act more cautiously. It can make them more likely to act on dangerous impulses, and can make them more challenging to raise, guide, and teach.
Teenage boys need to be guided on responsibility and power, respect for other’s rights and property, and personal finances. While setting a good example can be effective, it’s also vital to teach these important life lessons deliberately and directly. Because teenagers – and especially teenage boys – often feel powerless, teaching them responsibility can enable them to become more mature and more self-reliant, while encouraging them to become more emotionally healthy.
Teenage boys should be provided with plenty of structure and guidance, with sufficient parental monitoring. Providing the teenage boy with a degree of freedom in exchange for updates by phone, for example, can be an effective way for parents to negotiate ‘good behaviour’.
How to foster better emotional health in children with emotional pollutants
Anger and other forms of emotional pollution can affect quality of life, and ultimately be damaging to mental, physical, and spiritual health. Adults who work with children need to realise that they’re in a position of responsibility, and need to respond quickly and clearly to expressions of anger or aggression that they observe.
It’s common for children to experiment with the power of words in social interactions with their peers. As such, adults need to keep aware and ensure that the environment feels safe for all children in the context. These are some basic guidelines for adults who work with children:
- Rules – Communicate rules quickly and decisively, then reinforce and repeat as necessary. For example, make it clear that one child is not allowed to threaten or hit other children.
- Safe outlets – It’s normal for children to dislike certain people, have preferences for certain things or behaviours, and express what they want or don’t want. Children should understand that it’s acceptable for them to discuss and express these opinions and thoughts.
- Feeling vs acting – Children should also be taught that they can think one way and act another; that they can feel like insulting or being mean to someone, but control their impulses. Show children that they have the power to refrain from insulting or hitting someone else by walking away or seeking guidance from an authority.
- Self-protection – Every child will be exposed to some hurtful remark or behaviour at some point of his or her life. Teach children that they have the power to throw away these hurtful words or behaviours. Use special techniques to help children learn self-protection skills. For example, teach them to imagine a rubbish bin where they can throw out the words, or a thick raincoat that protects them from hurtful words.
- Respond and reinforce – Act quickly to respond to undesirable behaviours. Intervene and encourage children to use “polite words” or to refrain from aggression. When there’s positive behaviour, praise the child publicly to reinforce their good behaviour. Link negative behaviours to their outcomes, so children understand why these behaviours are undesirable.
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